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Losing Streakers
Losing Streakers is the 31st episode of (pat)Rick Figures. Transcript (Patrick is driving alone in a car & excited.) Patrick: Ssab Sagev! Whoo! (Looks up.) ''How you doing up there? ''(SpongeBob is tied up on top of the car, screaming & struggling.) SpongeBob: I DON'T WANNA GO, YOU ASSHOLE! Patrick: Crap city! (The car passes a sign into Ssab Sagev. Under it, a woman has sex with a man just before another man shoots him to take his place with the same woman. The next scene shows that 3 people were road-killed by the car before it crashes into a lamp post with Patrick & SpongeBob completely unharmed in front of a casino.) SpongeBob: Dude, we have 10 bucks & rent is 1,000! There's no way we'll get it all here! Patrick: Blah blah blah. Shut yer face! Let's do it! (He cartwheels away at the same time leaving a cloud of his fart, which Blue gags on.) Whoo! (Patrick rushes up to the yellow employee at a roulette table to gamble their last $10) Patrick: Put it all on Patrick, big fart! (SpongeBob tries to stop Patrick.) SpongeBob: Don't listen to him he doesn't represent me! Patrick:'' (Patrick pushing SpongeBob away) Don't listen to him he's a big piece of shit! ''(The table spins & the ball lands on number 35 in the black section.) Yellow employee: (Deep demonic voice with flames in the background.) HOUSE WINS! Patrick: Beep boop boop we're fucked. (SpongeBob is enraged.) SpongeBob: That was our last $10!!! Patrick: Hey can I borrow $10? SpongeBob: Are you even listening to me!?! Patrick: Hey can I borrow $20? SpongeBob: YOU'RE RUINING MY LIIFE!!! (Patrick is suddenly surrounded by 3 women & holding a bottle of vodka) Patrick: I'm gonna go ruin my liver. See you in the hospital fat ass!! (Patrick is then carried away by the 3 women) 1 of the 3 women: So sticky. (The women bring Red to another game with 2 posh women & a man along with a grey employee.) Grey employee: Ahh sir, do you know how to play Craps? Patrick: (Patrick jumps on the table then squats.) ''I play everyday. ''(The posh man & woman along with the Grey Employee watch as Patrick takes a shit on the table.) ''Craps is the shiiiiit! ''(Patrick starts making fart sounds as the smiles on the 3 slowly turn into frightened looks. Shit splats in their faces.) Posh man: My wor...(Patrick then shits in the man's mouth as he speaks & on the eye where his monocle once was.) (Patrick heads to the bartender.) Patrick: Yo barkeep! Give me a-- (Shows Lord Puff-rettes watching a stripper.) Lord Puff-rettes: RED HEADED SLUT! 'Yo, Freckle, pick that 20 up in your- ''(Shows Red with a bottle forcing Blue to drink it as Blue is held down by 2 women.) '''Patrick: Pussy! Drink that juice down. SpongeBob: This is gasoline you-- (Shows SpongeBob's dad in his car. ) SpongeBob's dad: Asshole! Get out of the road! (Patrick is shown running across the street with his dick out, but it is censored with a black rectangle.) Patrick: Whoo! I'm sexy and I know it! SpongeBob's dad: Eeeehhh. That man has a humongous-- (2 women are shown back at the casino.) Peach woman: (masculine tone) BALL SACK. Magenta Woman: What? Peach woman: That's what I said, I never actually seen a guy's (masculine tone) BALL SACK. Magenta woman: It's no big deal. It just looks like a (masculine tone) ''BALL SACK. ''(Patrick's really drunk & approaches a slot machine with a drink. Blue approaches as well.) SpongeBob: Dude, I think the cops are coming! Patrick: (singing) Whatdya gonna do? Whadya gonna want when they come for you? GHOST BUSTERS!!!! (puts the glass to the slot machine) Hey robo-dick! Give me my money back! SpongeBob: It's a slot machine, retard. It's not gonna talk back. (The Auto-Tuned Seabee appears & flies into Patrick's mouth, who gags.) Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) ''That's more like it! Hey robo-cock, give me my motherfucking money back! '''Slot machine': (robotic voice) Hey there, Patrick. Long time no see. Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Hey, machine friend. How's yo mama? Slot machine: She's been sad since you left her high & dry... Father. Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) ''Zero! Wha-ha-ha--ha-ha-hat? '''Slot machine': Oh, why did you up & leave us, Daadyyyyyy? Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Shh...shh...shh...shhhhh. Papa couldn't pay for child support. (hugs the slot machine) Slot machine: Noooooooo. (goes out of power) Patrick: (Suddently, no more Auto-Tuned) I remember when you were just a little tamagotchi. (Vomits onto the slot machine, as it shoots out a lot of money.) SpongeBob: Oh, FUCK, we are rich! (Patrick lies past out on the machine with crossed eyes as a pair of 8-bit sunglasses descend over Red's eyes while "Bath Rhymes" plays. "DEAL WITH IT" appears under Red & the music stops.) (Time lapse. Patrick & SpongeBob are driving away with their money.) SpongeBob: That was horrible. (Falls back on his seat) ''Let's never do that again! '''Patrick': (normal voice) You're right. We're never going to Sal Sagev again. (Stares out ahead and then his arms smash through the window and roof of the car.) VIVA BASS VEGAS! (Blue screams as they pass the sign into Bass Vegas where another man & woman are having sex.) Soundtrack TBA Category:Episodes Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:2018 Category:2018 Episodes Category:2018 Spin-offs